Drumroll, please...

I think we have a wedding date. We finally found out Mark's brother will be able to come home for a visit [from fighting that shit-ass war] the first two weeks of May. Since we had already decided we want to get married on a Friday, May 9th, 2008 is going to be the day.

That means we don't have a lot of time.

That also means I'm sorta freaking out, people.

I don't know a whole lot about what we are going to do. Things I do know (for today, anyway):

Our color theme: Buttercup Yellow and Grass Green

Our attendants: my 2 sisters & 2 best friends and Mark's 2 brothers & 2 of his best friends

Favors: Possibly a candy table, as well as personalized CD's with our favorite love songs on them

I know where we want to have the wedding and reception, but I don't know yet if we can afford it or if it will be too cold that time of year in the good ole' Midwest to reasonably consider it. Michigan State University is known for their horticulture gardens and you can rent them - along with a glass greenhouse - by the hour for the wedding ceremony and reception. I figure if it rains or is too cold, we can just have the ceremony inside the reception-ready greenhouse.

I see lots of white Christmas lights and some simple white rice paper lanterns hanging from the ceiling. I see twinkling lights and love and happiness.

I also see $dollar signs$ and only 7+ months to plan a wedding. I hear my best friend - who herself got married almost 4 years ago and had 18 months to plan WITH a wedding planner - laughing and telling me I'm crazy for trying to plan in such little time. I feel my heart pounding fast when I allow myself to really think about it all.

But mostly I feel so absolutely excited to know that no matter what, the making-the-marriage-work part is something that will come naturally. I feel so lucky knowing that no matter how tough the planning of the wedding is, the reason behind the wedding is a pure one; a gift from God. I feel confident that I'm marrying the most perfect-for-me man in the Universe.

So I'll be fine.

A paper bag to breathe into wouldn't hurt a girl, though.

To hyphenate or not to hyphenate?

I love Mark's last name. I can't wait to make it my own. From the second we got engaged, I assumed I would just drop the D and take on 'B' - his last name. But just like anything, if you give me time to think about it, I. SO. WILL.

I have also come to love the hyphenated version of what could be my new last name(s), too. It sounds really great. It flows, people. Amy D-B. Yep, still loving it. But then I got to thinking about what D-B could stand for, if people wanted to get mean about it:

Dirty-Bastard?
Dumb-Bitch?
Dookie-Balls?
Doody-Brain?

Hehehe...

*sigh*

Mark really doesn't care one way or the other. He was honestly a bit surprised and very flattered when I told him I was excited to take on his name. He isn't one to tell me what to do, after all. Ever. A friend later asked me if I was planning to hyphenate and I said, "Um...I hadn't really thought about it!" And then I did think about it.

Let's get to the real issue at hand. My last name is one I'm proud of (despite the fact that it's sort of rare and really easy to make fun of if you're an asshole). My descendants came over on the Mayflower; I/we are derived from pilgrim blood - I even have paperwork from the Mayflower Society to prove it. That's pretty sweet if you ask me. What isn't sweet is the fact that my dad was one of only 2 boys to have children and he, along with my uncle, had all GIRLS. You know what girl's can't do? Carry on their damn last names!!!

I already plan to give our first born son - God willing - my current last name as his middle name. But is that enough for me?

I also tend to think that adding another name to my current one would make the transition so much easier. Like all that mail and account mumbo-jumbo (ICK).

So what are your thoughts?

Still no closer...but that's okay

Still don't have any idea of when, where, or how Mark and I will get married. I'm starting to be okay with that, though. I can't wait to be Mrs. B, but I have gotten to the point where feeling secure and relaxed about this whole thing is much, much more important than rushing things. That doesn't mean I didn't cave when I went on Tickle and saw a quiz titled "What's your wedding wish?" My results (which are pretty damn spot-on, if I do say so myself):

Your wedding wish is to Let Love Rule:

Of course you want to be married in a gorgeous location in a fabulous dress! But when it comes your wedding, what's most important to you is spending time with the people you care about. After all, this is an occasion that honors love, respect, and commitment between people, so it's no surprise that you also want to celebrate the people who helped you get there.

You're probably a wedding planner who likes to ask for advice when making the bigger decisions, and you're not afraid to delegate duties to close friends and family. You see this as everyone's celebration, so it's of utmost importance to you that everyone feels welcome and a part of the festivities. And that's how happily ever after begins.

Retrospect

I was cleaning out my emails and came across one sent on August 16, 2006 to Jilly, Kelly, and Ms. M. in response to them jokingly asking when Mark and I were going to get married (Mark and I had just signed papers for our house). After telling them they would for sure be invited when that day came - which still holds true! - I mentioned it's possible that when that day comes, I might prefer to elope:

...It's MY wedding, and I can elope if I want to! hahaha! Basically, I've seen way too many couples fight and end up practically hating each other over the planning of their wedding, and I hate to think they forgot the whole reason why they were getting married in the first place. I figure if you remove all that B.S., it's really just about the bride and the groom and is more special. I don't know, I guess I'll have to see what I do once it's before me, but for now, standing barefoot on a beach someplace with just me, Mark, and a minister sounds pretty blissful... :o)

I find it interesting that now that this is a reality, it's difficult for me to determine if eloping is indeed the best choice for us. Why is that? Am I just worried about making everyone else happy? Is it really just that I want to have everyone there to witness our union and that's why I'm so on the fence about this? Do you think my feelings about this before even having a ring on my finger are more indicative of my true, innate desires or is it just easy to say something like this when there aren't actual imminent plans?

I'm confused, kids. Granted, I was confused before I read this old email, but...

And here I thought I would finally be able to stop WORRYING about finding a date...

I've always been from the school of thought that once you've found that "one and only," you can assume you won't need to worry about dates anymore. Because really, who the hell wants to?? I certainly had my share of ones I wish I could expel from the record. Yet, now that I'm engaged and happy to be with just one man, I find myself going batty about a different kind of date:

The wedding date.

I'm still no closer to knowing when we can get married, based on the fact that Mark's brother is signed up for a tour of duty in Iraq (DAMN WAR). He was supposed to have been over there by now, but at the last minute they held them back and are keeping his unit at some base in Wisconsin. Which means that he can't spend time with his children or family, and also has little way of knowing when he will find himself back home for good.

We want Steve at the wedding. He's become very dear to me and he's Mark's best friend. I'd love to have him there as the Best Man. But when, pray tell, might that be an option?...

First answer: "Sometime in April."

And then yesterday, Steve heard a rumor that they might actually be back in the States for good as early as late July (as opposed to Christmas of 2008). But that's just a RUMOR, peoples. And if you think I'm going to plan my wedding around a rumor, you've clearly lost your damn minds. Which, of course, you HAVEN'T.

Anyone knows in order to plan - really plan - a wedding, you need to know the date or at the very least the general time of year the wedding will take place. It's the difference between having an outdoor wedding and an indoor one, using yellows & greens or reds & oranges as the color theme, and determines exactly what style white dress to look for. Since I have nary a clue of the "when," I have been driving myself nuts with waffling between a variety of very different themes and visions, and even with the "where" of this whole event. It's exhausting at best and defeating at worst. One should not want to cry when one is asked "When is the date?" I mean, I might be crazy, but this simple question shouldn't reduce a bride-to-be to teary responses of "I don't know....we have no clue...fuck if I know!" Right? Right.

If anyone has a good idea of how I can chill the eff out and relax (which will, at this point, keep me from running off with my groom and getting married while no one is looking), I would greatly appreciate it. What are the things I CAN be focusing on - aside from the fact that I'm lucky to actually have someone I want to marry (yeah, yeah, I know...) - in order to stop this emotional ride I've unwittingly found myself upon? What are the details I can enjoy planning now, despite not knowing the "when" of all this?

Help a girl out. It's been over a week since I looked at bridal magazines. I've been too angry at them. But I must admit I also sort of miss them, too.

DAMN WAR.

Engagement Party Pics

As promised, here are some pictures from our engagement party...I just got a new camera, but these were taken with my old, crappy one. They are a terrible representation of a wonderful party, so I apologize!

The set up at Lorenzo's Bistro - My YOM/step mom made it look so pretty! (Side note: she used Hostas and Mums on all the tables, of which she gave to us to plant in our garden at home...I thought that was such a cool idea!):


Fresh fruit and wonderful baked goods table - the bistro is also a bakery:


Place-settings:


The menu (the food was A-MAZING!):


The cake, which was made to mimic the one I fell in love with in this month's Martha Stewart magazine (I'll scan that in as soon as I have more time):


Mmm...the pina colada cake right before it went into my BELLY - we now have the top half of the cake in our freezer, to be cut and eaten on June 23, 2008 - a year from our engagement date (how cheesy are we?!) :


Some of my peeps:




My little sister giving a toast (isn't she gorgeous, even though I totally took her by surprise with my red-eye reducing flash?!):


My dad (that's my YOM sitting down) giving a choked up toast - "If you know Amy, you know when she walks into a room, it lights up...and now she's met the man that makes her light up all the time..." *sigh*:


Me and that man who, indeed, makes me light up inside and out (Note: after seeing these pictures, Mark and I have decided we need to go on a diet...AND I am in desperate need of advice - before our wedding pictures are taken - on how to help Mark feel comfortable in front of a camera; I truly have yet to get a picture of him that actually LOOKS like him...):


Overall, the day was very happy and heartwarming. We got some great gifts, including The Anti-Bride Guide, the Martha Stewart Wedding Planner, gift certificates from Target, Williams- Sonoma, Linen's and Things, and several other places. We weren't expecting anything at all, so it was a nice bonus to feeling so loved and supported.

I guess the champagne didn't hurt, either... ;o)

Weekend Recap

The weekend was great. The engagement party surpassed any expectations I ever had. Mark and I were overwhelmed by it all: the great turnout of my family; the amazing food; the adorable little bistro - of which we had the upstairs all to ourselves; the cake that made me (almost) cry...my stepmom and sister had it made to mimic the cake that I saw in this month's Martha Stewart Wedding magazine (page 261) that made me decide on my wedding colors - I plan to have one made for the actual wedding, but my stepmom wanted us to have a replica of it just in case I decided to change the color theme between now and the actual wedding. :o)

I'll post pictures later tonight but for now, just know we were spoiled with love (and presents!) and really couldn't ask for more.

Well, I could ask for a vacation, but I won't press my luck...

Celebration

OK, since the last post was sort of negative, I thought I'd talk about something a little more upbeat. Tonight after work, Mark and I are heading to my dad's in Indiana for the weekend. We originally planned to go and help clean out my grandma's (who passed away in May) house this weekend - the one she lived in for over 60 years. All 8 kids and several of the cousins are getting together to get the house ready to sell. It's not going to be easy OR very fun, but to give us all something to look forward to, my step mom and little sister decided to throw Mark and I an engagement party!

This will be our first formal celebration so I'm actually pretty excited. On Saturday morning, we are having a champagne brunch at a cute bistro to celebrate the fact that I'm FINALLY getting married. Since these ladies know how to throw a party, I can't wait to see what they have up their sleeves. Aside from asking me about possible wedding colors, I have no idea what the theme is, etc...

The invite had an adorable little message and included this picture of Mark and I on the front (please note that my handsome fiance' HATES having his picture taken):



They actually put another version of this picture in the front of our invite that had been drawn on using Microsoft Paint. It was flipping HILARIOUS - I'll try to scan it in later - and I almost wet myself upon opening the card. They hid the real picture behind it so at first I honestly thought they had sent it to everyone. This is just the kind of thing they would do to me, after all.

There. Now you have proof that I'm excited about something slightly wedding-related. Baby steps, my friends....baby steps. ;o)

And the madness begins...

It took me almost 31 years but I'm finally engaged to be married to the man of my dreams. There were many times I thought I'd never find him but now that Mark is in my life, I know without a doubt he was fully worth the wait.

Some people enter this phase of their life nervous about what marriage will bring or how it will change their lives. I'm not one bit worried about that part. What I am nervous about, however, is planning the actual wedding.

Growing up, I was a tomboy, a late-bloomer. I never had those floaty white daydreams of what my wedding would entail. I never pinned my favorite blanket to my head in a mock veil and strutted around my bedroom humming the wedding march song. Never did I think this fact was a problem until that sparkly ring was on my finger and I was forced to think about planning an "affair to remember."

The first thing I did was run out and buy a Modern Bride magazine. I used leftover "Yes!" and "Maybe!" stickers from my old Lucky Magazines (those things are so cool) and went about chronicling my favorite things between the pages. I saw one dress I liked. ONE. I wrinkled my nose at about a hundred more.

Don't even get me started on the bridesmaid's dresses.

I've now - one month into my engagement - purchased a total of four bridal-related magazines and I'm nowhere closer to knowing what I want the theme to be, or if I even want this to be a big affair at all. Mark hasn't helped much either, because he just wants to "enjoy the engagement" for the time being. While that's a noble thought, it's been sort of hard to do with all the "When is the date? and "Where's the wedding going to be held?" questions. (Grrr...)

I keep hoping a Fairy Wedding Mother will just pop into play and tell me what to do, or wave her magic wand and make it all happen for me. But she's late. And my glass slippers are stuffed somewhere underneath my 50 pairs of way-more-comfortable flip flops. What to do, I ask? WHAT TO DO????

I'm not quite to "panic mode" yet, but I'm not really having much fun with this crap yet, either.