I love Mark's last name. I can't wait to make it my own. From the second we got engaged, I assumed I would just drop the D and take on 'B' - his last name. But just like anything, if you give me time to think about it, I. SO. WILL.
I have also come to love the hyphenated version of what could be my new last name(s), too. It sounds really great. It flows, people. Amy D-B. Yep, still loving it. But then I got to thinking about what D-B could stand for, if people wanted to get mean about it:
Dirty-Bastard?
Dumb-Bitch?
Dookie-Balls?
Doody-Brain?
Hehehe...
*sigh*
Mark really doesn't care one way or the other. He was honestly a bit surprised and very flattered when I told him I was excited to take on his name. He isn't one to tell me what to do, after all. Ever. A friend later asked me if I was planning to hyphenate and I said, "Um...I hadn't really thought about it!" And then I did think about it.
Let's get to the real issue at hand. My last name is one I'm proud of (despite the fact that it's sort of rare and really easy to make fun of if you're an asshole). My descendants came over on the Mayflower; I/we are derived from pilgrim blood - I even have paperwork from the Mayflower Society to prove it. That's pretty sweet if you ask me. What isn't sweet is the fact that my dad was one of only 2 boys to have children and he, along with my uncle, had all GIRLS. You know what girl's can't do? Carry on their damn last names!!!
I already plan to give our first born son - God willing - my current last name as his middle name. But is that enough for me?
I also tend to think that adding another name to my current one would make the transition so much easier. Like all that mail and account mumbo-jumbo (ICK).
So what are your thoughts?
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5 comments:
Such an interesting issue and question.
I had an AWFUL maiden name. I mean AWFUL AWFUL! I was so happy to dump it and move on to something that could be easily pronounced and not be targets of bad puns.
Then, a little after I got married, I thought to myself... as an only child, I wonder if it's insulting to my father to have dropped his name so willingly and happily. It was something that I was going to ask him about, but then it felt like it was too late -- and I wasn't going to change back or hyphenate, so what would be the point? Just to know that it bothered him? Nah, not going to go there.
When I got snail-mail from him, shortly after I got married, and saw that it was addressed to Dawn M instead of Dawn P, I thought he must be OK.
The thing is, that's what worked well for me -- taking my husband's name INSTEAD of mine. You have to do what works well for you. I totally understand your desire to carry on your family's name, but don't you DARE let the POSSIBILITY of people making up D-B names be a reason not to do it!
That said, I think that taking your husband's name is the biggest compliment. In fact, even my in-laws were touched by it. But I don't think that hyphenating lessens that. Your name is your name and if you want to hang onto it in some form, then you should.
I've always wondered what I would do if I ever get married. My last name is unique (made up when my great-great grandfather came to the US) and there aren't any boys in the line of the family since my great-grandfather (there are some going back to my great-great grandfather and lines from there down). So, I've always thought about hyphenating, but not sure.
Do what makes you feel most comfortable.
Dawn: You just made me want to know your maiden name SO BADLY. Haha! ;o) This is interesting, because I never once really considered what my dad would think. Actually, before I ever met Mark (whom my dad LOVES - probably more than me - ha!) I once told my dad that when I got married, I planned to hyphenate so I could keep on the 'D' name, and he was all, "You can't DO THAT...that's not right, Amy; you're supposed to take on your husbands name!" I was appalled, as we've always been brought up to be free-thinkers and strong-willed women...BAFFLING, right? Ha! So now, I actually have several things stacked against me. But yet, the free-thinker in me still hasn't decided. Maybe I'm just a bit of a rebel?... ;o) Thanks for your thoughts! As always, they were insightful.
Shayze: See? We are in the same boat (you are acting as my former self, the one who always thought I would hyphenate and I'm acting as the person who is now actually with someone I want to take the name of)! Hmmm...maybe I need to talk about this with Mark again? ;o)
Hey Amy,
I followed you over from the other blog. I've been reading you for a long time and have given you bits of advice "from the other side" from time to time. I can offer you some more...
My first wife basically thought the same things as you did and ultimately decided to do the hyphen-thing. Ultimately, she regretted it. She asked me my thoughts (i.o.w. if I had a problem with it) and I said that it didn't bother me. Secretly, I was crushed. Call me old fashioned, but I felt it was traditional and symoblized not so much ownership by the husband--but the start of the new family. Her lack of doing it felt like a little bit of her deep down wasn't commited to being my wife--a.k.a. Mrs. "So-in-so".
After a while, she hated it. Problems with drivers licenses, registering for bank accounts, mortgages, leases, credit cards--they all sometimes got mucked up. It's hard enough to spell one name right, let alone two. Multiply that by which name comes first in the hyphen and then complicate that by mispellings of either or having one or the other dropped. Even picking up an Rx got to be a pain in the ass.
"No, there's nothing here under Mrs. So-in-so OldLast"
"I said, 'Mrs So-in-so OldLast-NewLast' can you check again?"
"Nope, there's nothing here."
"Sigh, can you please check again, and this time try Mrs. So-in-so NewLast?"
"Ah, here it is. Why didn't you say so in the first place. :-{"
"Well, technically that's not correct. Her name is hyphenated"
"Can I see some ID? (Pause) I'm sorry, this doesn't match."
"ARGH! >-{"
Like I said, even she hated it after a couple of years. Additionaly, I know this is "The age of enlightenment" and all, but there is a bit of presumption by anyone I know when they see (or hear of) a hypehated name. Call it unjustified, but the sterotype is that the women is a bit of a bitch. I see it all the time in my line of work. The little "ah, yeah" and a bit of a :-/ face gets made from both men and women when it gets brought up about some lady.
Ultimately, maybe I was right about my own situation as she did end up breaking off the marriage and leaving me and the kids for another guy (a real loser btw, but fun to party with--I guess).
I'm happy to say that I found an incredible woman--at the same time you found your man btw. It was your endless gushing (although seemingly gaggy) that helped me overcome my own inner doubts that a woman can truly be that "Ga-Ga" over someone they just met. We ended up "eloping" my 4 & 5 year olds to Disney World for a fairy-tale wedding/ 5 day vacation.
I never did thank you for that, btw.
!!!!!!!!THANK-YOU!!!!!!!!
And yes, she was very excited to take my name.
Take care,
longtime reader, seldom poster
ANON!! I actually remember you! I think you gave me great advice back when I was trying to figure out a way to profess my love to Mark early in our relationship. Am I wrong? See? I DO remember you! Ha!
So glad you visited me and gave me your male point of view. Because it actually really made me think. To be quite honest, I was pretty much 75% sure I would just take on Mark's last name (Um, HI, I wouldn't have named this wedding blog what I did if I hadn't seriously considered it). It wasn't until my best friend asked me if I thought about hyphenating, and I really haven't thought much more about it since I wrote this, to tell you the truth...I've been too busy. Now I'm glad I didn't mention anything else to Mark. No use making him think I doubt his last name when I don't (and never really did).
As for your own love story, CONRGATS!!! I could say I'm sorry for being all gushy and pathetic and IN LOVE after about a minute with Mark, but I WON'T. ;o) I'm so glad I helped you to see that real women DO allow themselves to feel that way about great ones like you and my own wonderful man. Props to you for not giving up and for recognizing what you did in your new wife. How exciting! Come back...I'll have more questions to ask over time, and I could really use a male P.O.V. As ALWAYS... :o)
Thanks again! A~
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