I was cleaning out my emails and came across one sent on August 16, 2006 to Jilly, Kelly, and Ms. M. in response to them jokingly asking when Mark and I were going to get married (Mark and I had just signed papers for our house). After telling them they would for sure be invited when that day came - which still holds true! - I mentioned it's possible that when that day comes, I might prefer to elope:
...It's MY wedding, and I can elope if I want to! hahaha! Basically, I've seen way too many couples fight and end up practically hating each other over the planning of their wedding, and I hate to think they forgot the whole reason why they were getting married in the first place. I figure if you remove all that B.S., it's really just about the bride and the groom and is more special. I don't know, I guess I'll have to see what I do once it's before me, but for now, standing barefoot on a beach someplace with just me, Mark, and a minister sounds pretty blissful... :o)
I find it interesting that now that this is a reality, it's difficult for me to determine if eloping is indeed the best choice for us. Why is that? Am I just worried about making everyone else happy? Is it really just that I want to have everyone there to witness our union and that's why I'm so on the fence about this? Do you think my feelings about this before even having a ring on my finger are more indicative of my true, innate desires or is it just easy to say something like this when there aren't actual imminent plans?
I'm confused, kids. Granted, I was confused before I read this old email, but...
5 comments:
Before I was ever engaged -- heck, before I even met anyone I thought I could possibly ever marry -- I wanted to elope. I always wanted to elope. I was never that girly-girl who dreamt of a Cinderella wedding. Nope, not me.
Then, Jeremy and I got serious. Then we got engaged. Then the wedding talk happened. Of course, I still wanted to elope. Jeremy, however, wanted a wedding, even if it was small. And my family wanted a wedding, even if it was small. And his family wanted a wedding, even if it was small.
Well, I also wanted a small wedding -- me and Jeremy. Small enough?
After a bit of talk, I realized that I couldn't do that to Jeremy, my family, or his family. I couldn't elope.
So I said OK to the wedding. But it had to be small. As in VERY small.
There were about 100 people there. My mother-in-law did all the planning, albeit with my input (for the things I cared about). I had a beautiful dress. I even wore a veil.
Honestly? I had the BEST time. I didn't want it to end.
Honestly? I don't think I'd have been so happy if we'd eloped. Having our families with us, and our friends, meant so much. So, very much.
That said, I wouldn't have had a problem eloping and then having a little family/friend party aferward.
My point? Do what's in your heart. But don't negate Mark's or your family's wishes. You'll regret it, kiddo.
Throughout the planning of your wedding, you will think about eloping at least 100 more times. I am in the process of planning my wedding now, and I have seriously thought about it 1000 times. On the other hand I can't wait for the day to be here so I can celebrate it with the people who are most important to me, it's just as important of a milestone in my life as it is for my parents, and when I really put thought into it I can't imagine them not being there. Really it's all about that's in your heart.
I'd say do whatever makes you and Mark happy...of coarse :-) My two cents...even though mine didn't work out...I HATED HATED HATED planning my wedding...too many decision...too many people to try and make happy (yes...I realize I shouldn't have cared...I did...just like you)..it was a nightmare. I wanted to just run away and do it...but in the end...I would've had 2nd..and 3rd...and 4th (umm..you get the picture) thoughts had I decided to elope too...I guess the grass can (not always is) be greener on the other side.
xx
Well. Let's see. I was lucky because I had two wedding with the wasband. One where we lived, in Hawaii, with only 2 friends and a minister....on the beach, bare feet and then 10 days later in Germany with about 50 people (and I had little to do with the Germany planning since I lived in Hawaii...I just showed up with a dress).
I do think, however, if I get married again one day, I would probably do a destination type wedding and invite very few people to join in.....I really think there is a lot of excitement over people coming and such, but I have had that once and while that's nice, I think for my second (and final ;) marriage, I would just do it really intimate and focused.
oh, i'm so late on this...
sure there are perks with the destination wedding or very private wedding... but you know what? I am finding the planning of my wedding with our families to be one of the most rewarding experiences of my life. SUre, the wedding will be too big and too expensive... and we have given ourselves a full year of potential stress to plan it, but everyone involved is so invested in us, our future, our happiness, and getting to know new family members.
I feel, through the planning of this MOMENTUOUS occasion, I am helping to build and strengthen a family for us, and a family for my family. It has been wonderful... and I wouldn't trade these months and all the careful decisions we're making for anything right now. It's a fun fun ride because no one has a doubt in their heads that SPoke and I are right for each other.
THe decision of a quick romantic wedding or a long process building up to it is a personal decision, sometimes you don't have the choice, but either way-- make the most of your time and the planning. It can be really fun.
..... and on the other hand, I am so thankful to have such easygoing, creative, organized, and loving people to work with on this!! THe people in my life are ones who celebrate the joy and don't sweat the small stuff.
So... given all the factors in YOUR life, you must choose what's right for you and your husband to be, but remember it doesn't have to be any way that others say it should be... including stressful.
The wedding is one day, the marriage is forever. I am sure the time you have with both will be nothing but beautiful, so relax, and enjoy!!
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